i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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