I hope mine doesn't look like that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
