there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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