Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
