And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
