I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
