but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
