i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
