That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
