a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
