i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
