He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
