I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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