capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
