Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
