you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
