Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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