no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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