drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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