your parents love me but you hate me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
