she was so not down for the gang bang
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
