she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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