Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
