Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
