I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
