There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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