I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
