You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize