You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
