I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
