Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
