This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
