Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize