I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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