Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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