We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
