All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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