I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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