You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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