Swine flu. Run for my life!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
