I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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