So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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