I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
