youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
