3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
