He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
