It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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