actually, I'm a sock model
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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