You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
