No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
