I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have aggressive nipples.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
