The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
