I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
