I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
