I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
