I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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