operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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