there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
