Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
