those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
pray to the hookup gods
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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